He called 12 apostles and gave them all How can I worry less about it? Any righteous, willing, and worthy man may be bishop regardless of his marital status. 12. But sexual relations and procreation were only one aspect of plural marriage. I never expected it, but it happened, and I accept it. FinancialSpecial5787 1 yr. ago. 46. Excommunication in Mormonism Anti-Mormon literature has portrayed Smith as sneaking around behind unsuspecting husbands backs and seducing willing women. Commitment to the Covenant: LDS Marriage and Divorce More Your link has been automatically embedded. In contrast, Craig L. Foster, David Keller, and Gregory L. Smith use both history and a statistical review of Mormon and non-Mormon marriage practices in Illinois and neighboring Iowa to demonstrate that marriage to teenage women was not uncommon for the place and time in which Joseph Smith lived, nor was it considered pedophilia: The Age of Joseph Smiths Plural Wives in Social and Demographic Context, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 15283. have Interpretation 2 seems to be the strongest, primarily because Scripture allows for divorce in exceptional circumstances (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:1216). I tried to understand that they just didn't know how to deal with a situation like this., Divorce may be more taboo for many, explains Dr. Swinton. The following article originally ran on LDS Living in May 2016. When children spend most of their time with their mother, it is easy for the father to feel like he has become a visitor to his own children. Another source providing good answers and positive information regarding Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages is Joseph Smith and Polyandry, FairMormon Answers, accessed February 22, 2014, http://en.fairmormon.org/Joseph_Smith/Polygamy/Polyandry. The new apostles could come from general authorities of the church, or from the church membership at large. It is also important to differentiate a man who was divorced and remarried before he became a Christian from a man who was divorced and remarried after becoming a Christian. Pay attention to the children who are going through a really bad time. The important thing to remember is that Heavenly Father loves all of you and wants the best for you, both now and in eternity. They are in violation of the civil law. As a youth, Elder Scott would attend Church occasionally with friends or with the encouragement of home teachers and bishops. Feelings About Plural Marriage. In contrast to the perception the Church and its leaders try to hide the Churchs past, one respondent wrote that he had previously had problems with polygamy until a general authority visited his mission and, during a question and answer period, explained the background of plural marriage. Later, Elder Cook would be called to serve as a counselor to his brother Joe, who was serving as the stake president at the time. Polygamy in the Spotlight, e-mail correspondence, July 14, 2011. 24. Divorce is traumatic: those involved can experience feelings of shock, denial, confusion, depression, and anger, as well as physical symptoms such as disrupted sleep and eating patterns. Heres how a new speaker series can help you find it: Temples are some of the most beautiful places on earth, but the work that takes place inside of them is what makes them sacred. There Relationships are really difficult. Clear editor. Most couples tried going to counseling to support orsave their marriage, but perhaps not to the degree we would expect: Note: The definition of what qualified as counseling support is unique for those surveyed and, in the course of the survey, seemed to be open to interpretation. Be patient and reach out yourself. Through prayer and a very powerful dream she experienced, she no longer worried about it all.37 [Page 60]Unfortunately, many members are not reconciled to aspects of plural marriage. All of us know someone who has been divorced. After personal reflection and prayer, Elder Scott felt impressed that he should serve a mission and was called to serve inUruguay from 1950 to 1953. As they grew up, we would point to pictures of ancestors on the wall and explain how they came from his fifth wife or that the lady in the photograph was the plural wife of the man in [Page 70]the photo hanging next to hers. Pasted as rich text. Those divorcing tended to perceive ward members as a group that was unsupportive, fearful, and judgmental. Yet continuing Church activity exposes us to correct principles and surrounds us with caring people. 25. One of the members of a private e-mail group of faithful Latter-day Saints wrote, EVERYTHING that Correlation has produced, since its inception, indicates the Church is running away from polygamy as fast as it can.41, For many active and disaffected members of the Church, certain aspects of Joseph Smiths polygamy have been difficult to understand or accept. Here is some of their best advice: You'll also like: 10 Things Latter-day Saint Singles Wish You Knew, You'll also like:6 Things Every Latter-day Saint with Divorced Parents Should Understand. All are alike unto God, and He invites all to come unto him and partake of his goodness (2 Nephi 26:33).Church leaders and members are often asked who can attend meetings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who can become Church members, and who can attend a Church spokesman Don LeFevre had little comment on the letter. However, Elder Oaks says, through "the blessings of the Lord, she did recover and she was stronger than ever"(Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "LDS Leaders and Mental Illness," Mormon Channel). Tertullian, Hilary, Epiphanius, Jerome, &c. The authority of these later Fathers is of course of little account. LDS Of those who were aware, thirty percent had learned from a family member while almost ten percent learned from sources critical of the Church.39. No we didn't see President Hinckley remarry. Approximately 20 percent of the Catholic men and 23 percent of the women have been divorced. WebIn the end, they found that 7% of LDS members who had originally had a temple marriage were either now divorced or divorced and remarried. Although a strong marriage is the ideal, some marriages unfortunately end in divorce. He did, however, not require any other members to practice the doctrine until the Nauvoo period. One female survey respondent commented, I dont feel a need to defend the original practice, and I dont think it is an eternal principle. This website noted Mary Elizabeth Rollins Lightner married Joseph Smith in 1842 when she was seven months pregnant and queried whether the child was Adam Lightners or Joseph Smiths. The only safe path through a divorce is to remain true to the gospel. All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement. Newell G. Bringhurst, Where Have All of Brigham Youngs Wives Gone? And they forgive.2. The top reason for a change in calling was relocation. For an excellent discussion about this pivotal time period, see Gregory L. Smith, Polygamy, Prophets, and Prevarication: Frequently and Rarely Asked Questions about the Initiation, Practice, and Cessation of Plural Marriage in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, FAIR, 2005, accessed January 20, 2014, http://www.fairmormon.org/perspectives/publications/polygamy-prophets-and-prevarication. [Page 47]This essay will examine the uncomfortable relationship between The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its polygamous past and the effect this discomfort has had on its members. After all, both the LDS Church and Fundamentalist Mormons share common roots and attributes. Upload or insert images from URL. 63. It is human nature, explained one Mormon blogger, to choose aspects of our past that we feel define us. The practice suffered a slow, difficult death as the Church and its members came to terms with the demise of the practice and yet continued their efforts to keep what they regarded as a sacred principle alive. As President DieterF. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, taught: We must let go of our grievances. Well, I replied, perhaps a little too sarcastically, we wouldnt want them to do that., [Page 58]No, she answered. We should clarify to say CURRENTLY divorced or unmarried priesthood holders cannot be Bishop or a General Authority. Married or widowed are okay. ( That sounds [Page 52]like The Prime Directive in Star Trek.16 Is there any wonder a 2011 poll undertaken by a California polling company found that almost half of those polled thought Mormons either definitely or probably practice polygamy?17. Then it should be emphasized that we no longer practice plural marriage. Jesus' Marriage to Mary the Magdalene Is Fact Divorce was more prevalent in the early Church. Brigham Young had a well publicized divorce. Divorce can be an ugly, painful experience that leaves all involved angry, confused, and embarrassed. When he was 5 years old, Elder Baxter's mother and father divorced. Gordon B. Hinckley, What Are People Asking About Us? Ensign (November 1998): 70. The depth of dismay occurs in part because of the negative publicity attending Warren Jeffss marriages to under-aged brides as well as modernitys changed concept of childhood and adulthood. By This is particularly true if they have been faithful in Church activity and have prayed fervently for a resolution to marital problems. Members should learn that one practices plural marriage only when God commands it through his prophets, and we are following the prophet by not presently practicing it. Clement is the only Father who reports that Paul was married; many of them expressly deny it; e.g. Married or widowed are okay. They likely dont know what to do or say. . There were also several who identified themselves as fundamentalist Mormons of former LDS membership. Latter Day Saint practitioners of plural marriage To his knowledgge this policy came from the Area Seventy. . 42. Some men have said that nothing shook their testimonies like divorce. However, Elder Baxter's family situation was still difficult. 60. Plural marriage did not start nor end abruptly. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintss uncomfortable relationship with its polygamous history is somewhat like an awkward marriage separation. Those who experience a divorce need a lot of support from others to help manage those high levels of stress. By the end of these few decades, a number of members had doctrinally and physically separated themselves from the body of the Church because they continued to teach and practice plural marriage. The Lord still loves you and will always be there to support you.. The First Presidency sent a letter last week to stake presidents, bishops and branch presidents advising them of the new policy.The brief letter, dated Feb. 3, was titled "Divorce Clearance Procedure." Copy in authors possession. Hales expands this argument about Joseph Smiths polyandrous marriages in his three volume work titled, Joseph Smiths Polygamy (Salt Lake City, Utah: Greg Kofford Books, 2013). Can a man who is divorced and/or remarried be an elder? LDS Video Collections. "He responded lovingly but firmly each time I pestered him: 'David, I am not going to join the Church for your mother, for you, or for anyone else. None of the 12 or the First Presidency have been divorced. During a conversation regarding Mormon history, I mentioned in passing that Joseph Smith had plural wives. How do I forgive them? At the time, Hudson suggested some Mormon men had celestial lust. She compared these men to the young Muslim suicide bombers who killed themselves and others expecting to be rewarded with 72 virgins in the hereafter. but we called it celestial marriage (Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 2008); and Richard S. Van Wagoner, Mormon Polygamy: A History (Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 1986). Details regarding this matter have been communicated to stake and mission presidents.". For example, television talk show host Bill Maher explained that Mormonism is a religion founded on the idea of polygamy. No one is entirely immune to difficult family situations like these, including the general authorities of the Church. But unfortunately, this would not be the last time President Uchtdorf's family would have to leave behind everything. 20. WebFor Latter-day Saint children of divorce, questions like this can add to the sadness and uncertainty that divorce brings. Copyright 2023 Deseret News Publishing Company. Furthermore, the Church must accept that there will always be coat-tail relatives to remind its members of their past. Outside of the Church, there is a disturbing trend in the devaluation of the family. This and other facts about plural marriage need to be understood by Latter-day Saints, so information and specific detail regarding the theology and practice of plural marriage need to be provided at the appropriate time and place. But one or two of the current apostles have remarried after becoming widowed.. wow I really like that.. i had no idea that you couldnt be bishop if you were divorced or unmarried. They recover and move forward with their lives. 66. That would be incorrect, divorced men can be bishops. Even while serving his mission, Elder Bednar would end his letters with "Dad, I love you. A man may remarry after the death of his wife PBS In my experience as a counselor, I found that, although much of what men and women experience in divorce is the same, there are some differences: While still married, men are more likely to minimize the seriousness of marital problems. .I apologize. No, Divorce currently disqualifies a man from becoming a Bishop, Stake President, Seventy, Apostle or Prophet. I was sad to see that ward members and [ministering brothers and sisters] were so far down on the list of where support comes from, he says. As several respondents put it: Why do ward members seem to have such a hard time connecting with divorced members? Just do your best. Your Feelings About Mormon Polygamy.. But heres a fact you need to know: children can be 67. . Its in the handbook. Their third child, a baby girl, passed away at birth and their second child, a two-year-old boy, died six weeks later following a surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. Her expression approximated that of a deer in the headlights, and she replied, Well, his wife., I finally realized that she did not want to discuss Brighams plural wives, especially if I was accompanied by non-members, so I dropped the subject.30, This experience is likely not an anomaly. For some of our youth, the shock is too traumatic for their tender testimonies. For example, take my sons to general priesthood meeting., Ask if anything [is] needed. The percentage with very unfavorable feelings toward plural marriage was the highest among the possible unfavorable, including possible unfavorable feelings toward the LDS Church. This implies that population and marital status adjusted, Muslims are more likely to be divorced than Hindus, and Muslim women take up almost the entire burden of this difference. It is not my place to advise Church leaders on how to handle this problem and, therefore, these suggestions should be seen as suchsimple suggestions that might help. (You didn't see President Hinckley rushing off to get married after the death of his wife Marjorie, right?). While there were a variety of ways people first learned about plural marriage, about 42% of respondents said they learned from their family.35. First of all, those who oppose any divorced man serving as an elder almost universally do so on the basis of the apostle Pauls language in 1 Timothy 3:2. Elder Scott's father, who was not a member at the time, was particularly fond of his 2-year-old grandson and was heartbroken at his passing. This weapon must be neutralized. Together, they made the harrowing journey past Russian guards patrolling the border to West Germany until they were safely reunited with the rest of President Uchtdorf's family. But these challenges only worked to strengthen President Uchtdorf's testimony of the gospel and family. Copy in possession of the author. Newell G. Bringhurst and Craig L. Foster (Independence, Missouri: John Whitmer Books, 2010), 1458, and Brian C. Hales, Joseph Smiths Polygamy (Salt Lake City, Utah: Greg Kofford Books, 2013), 1:85126. To find out more about how Latter-day Saints experience divorce, I surveyed more than 1,000 active members who have been divorced or are currently going through the process. The book discusses women and divorce, men and divorce, children and divorce, dating again, blended families, remarriage, marriage counseling, and so on. Throughout his childhood, Elder Bednar would ask his father several times a week why he was not baptized. Another example of anti-Mormon accusations of adulterous polyandry can be found at LDSFreedom.org, Polyandry & Joseph Smith, accessed October 12, 2011, http://www.ldsfreedom.org/node/7. This is, in part, because of the fitful, painful cessation of plural marriage and the ever present reminders of its complicated past. When he was 15 years old, Elder Baxter says he looked back on the challenges his family faced in his younger yearsalcoholism, divorce, povertyall of the things he couldn't change in his past and decided, "I will change the futurefor myself and for the children I will someday have. The survey was not random, as people were contacted by e-mail and on Facebook and asked to participate and to spread the word among their LDS family and friends. They just wanted to help., Member friends primarily provided support around the spiritual connection that could not be found with non-members. One divorcee noted, Friends outside church did not treat me like a sinner for getting a divorce. While 57% of respondents said their feelings were neutral toward polygamy when they first became aware of it, over a quarter of the respondents reactions were unfavorable to very unfavorable. In other words, you cannot be a bishop without the approval of the First Presidency. This book, which will help couples contemplating divorce and men and women who are working through divorce, offers guidance, ideas, comfort and gospel perspective for those struggling through the painful experience of divorce. 22. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints permits divorce, but the Church's focus on happy, sound, and even eternal families elevates marriage to a sacred covenant not to be lightly dissolved. Of divorce, LDS Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley said, There is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. 5. The two senior members of the Quorum of the Twelve were not general authorities when they became apostles. However, it wasn't until years after Elder Bednar's mission and after he was married that his he received an answer to the question he had been asking his father all those years when his father called him to ask, "What are you doing this Saturday? It says: "Effective immediately, a man who has been previously sealed and later divorced, who desires to be married and sealed in the temple must first obtain a clearance from the First Presi-den-cy. He has also been a columnist for 8+ years in local small papers. The Church and its defenders have begun to take steps to inoculate members against the insidious attacks of critics and enemies. 26. Latter-day Saint Men and Divorce - The Church of Jesus E-mail correspondence between [anonymous] and Craig L. Foster, August 7, 2012. At the age of 11, President Uchtdorf watched as his family split up, each taking separate routes to Frankfurt until only he and his mother remained. If my daughters friend had been taught from her childhood, she would not have been blown away. No they can't. M. Russell Ballard, The Importance of a Name, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints October 2011 General Conference Addresses, accessed October 24, 2011, https://churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-importance-of-a-name?lang=eng. A number of years later I was organizing a visit of some dignitaries to Salt Lake City. In their examination of the divorce rate within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, using both civil and temple marriages combined, McClendon and Chadwick (2005) estimated that the current lifetime divorce rate for returned-missionary men to be approximately 12% and for returned-missionary women around 16%. Often times in our anxiety to live Gods commandments, we focus on everything we should avoid to remain righteous. The separation before the actual divorce can often be even more embittered. the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints As she tried to cope with the loss of her sister, Christy Denney found the connection to family she was craving in an unusual placea cherry cheese pie. ), 63% continued going to church in the same ward, 16% continued going but went to a new ward, Many ward members avoided me like the plague because they simply didn't know what to say to me. Web38.1. One faithful Latter-day Saint wrote of his in-laws learning of Joseph Smiths polyandry, My [Page 63]mother-in-laws eyes bulged out.44 One woman who found out about Smiths polyandrous marriages, combined with other issues regarding Joseph Smith and Mormonism, declared she was done, done and DONE!! E-mail correspondence between [anonymous] and Craig L. Foster, August 14, 2011. His first plural wife was Fanny Alger in 18351836 as explained by Bradley, Fanny Alger, in The Persistence of Polygamy, 1458. This brings up another matter that needs to be addressed: missionaries at Church historical sites must be taught how to discuss the topic of Mormon polygamy because it is inevitable it will be brought up by curious visitors. Plural marriage was introduced to Church members by the Prophet Joseph Smith in the 1840s as a commandment from God and continued as doctrine and an official practice until 1890.1 Official Church support for plural marriage ended [Page 46]after the Manifesto, and many members have come to see this change as the final end of plural marriage. pete22, All research and opinions provided on this site are the sole responsibility of their respective authors, and should not be interpreted as the opinions of the Board, nor as official statements of Latter-day Saint doctrine, belief or practice. Can Mormons Divorce if They Were Married in a Temple? - Learn Relationships are really difficult. These are truly touching and delicate experiences that members of the Church endured as they divorced. President Uchtdorf's family fled their home in Zwickau in East Germany to Frankfurtin West Germany. See for example, Mollie, Picturing Polygamists, Patheos (December 24, 2011), accessed February 15, 2014, http://www.patheos.com/blogs/getreligion/2011/12/picturing-polygamists/, and Do Mormons Practice Polygamy? Mormon.org, accessed February 15, 2014, http://mormon.org/faq/practice-of-polygamy. 27. One man commented, I see a lot of men in the Church who have become a little too complacent in pat (but unsatisfying) answers to questions about polygamy and womens issues in the Church, which causes some understandable frustration for women trying to see how theyre still of equal importance.56 In response to that comment, a woman wrote, I have watched a current thread about polygamy on the message board. That some are now agreeingon message boardsthat polygamy is something that will NOT be present in the post [mortal] world in any form, by any couple? As one woman noted, speaking of her Latter-day Saint friends, [I had] great support from my friends, who were divorced as well.. Your previous content has been restored. Ultimately, the hope for Saints who struggle emotionally and spiritually with plural marriage is that a better understanding of the history [Page 76]and doctrine of plural marriage will encourage greater faith and bring solace to the soul.
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